Memorable Show Biz One Liners
"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is." – Ellen DeGeneres
"If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me." – Bobcat Goldthwait
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives." – Sue Murphy
"My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.' “– Paula Poundstone
"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?" – Warren Hutcherson
"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either." – Dick Cavett
"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three." – Elayne Boosler
"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?" – John Mendoza
"Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second." – Steven Wright
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh." – Conan O'Brien
Source: Maritime Advocate Online